If I could pay some one to take charge of my life, That would be sheer bliss.But i dont even have a job to pay someone, hypothetically presuming some one out there would be willing to take charge of my life at all.


I have no intentions or motifs in life.Im like a useless cloud floundering my way through the sky. Im just floating around. NOT doing anything.Not making a difference in Anything.In any ones life. Not even mine.I feel completely disinterested to get up "do something" .Sometimes i cannot even recognise myself.I look at my hands and it surprises me that i can move them when i wish. Then im not even sure if it is me who is making that wish.What is me? Im consciously aware of my physical self mingling with the rest of the nonentities. Im not depressed and i have no wish to end my life. But Im bored. I see myself doing things expected of me. I see them doing the same things if not with the same valour.We are all doing something.But i have no interest in it.I dont even recognise what interests me anymore.When i see the life that lies ahead of me from where i stand now, It seems like a terrible long journey of conventional surprises.
what must i do to get out of this? Do I know too much about the world or too little? How cani talk myself out of being bored when im not convinced myself!
What sort of challenge is this that i dont want to take charge of my life?


Sensei Ikeda says we need strength and character.what happens if i dont have that? what happens if i do?


Im so disinterested that fixing my life seems to me a bore.


maybe i should go watch a movie.Where i can find endings and know all about evrything.