If I could pay some one to take charge of my life, That would be sheer bliss.But i dont even have a job to pay someone, hypothetically presuming some one out there would be willing to take charge of my life at all.
I have no intentions or motifs in life.Im like a useless cloud floundering my way through the sky. Im just floating around. NOT doing anything.Not making a difference in Anything.In any ones life. Not even mine.I feel completely disinterested to get up "do something" .Sometimes i cannot even recognise myself.I look at my hands and it surprises me that i can move them when i wish. Then im not even sure if it is me who is making that wish.What is me? Im consciously aware of my physical self mingling with the rest of the nonentities. Im not depressed and i have no wish to end my life. But Im bored. I see myself doing things expected of me. I see them doing the same things if not with the same valour.We are all doing something.But i have no interest in it.I dont even recognise what interests me anymore.When i see the life that lies ahead of me from where i stand now, It seems like a terrible long journey of conventional surprises.
what must i do to get out of this? Do I know too much about the world or too little? How cani talk myself out of being bored when im not convinced myself!
What sort of challenge is this that i dont want to take charge of my life?
Sensei Ikeda says we need strength and character.what happens if i dont have that? what happens if i do?
Im so disinterested that fixing my life seems to me a bore.
maybe i should go watch a movie.Where i can find endings and know all about evrything.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Kosenrufu Day
March 27th was when we celebrated kosenrufu day at IPC.This time unlike all other times i took part in something different from dance.i took part in the discussion.The discussion is a "casual gathering of friends" where for the benefit of new members we discuss some basic questions in our faith. I was given a question too. My question was "why are our prayers not answered immediately and sometimes they are not answered at all?" I was probably a pain to listen to..whiny and excited on stage but i think i did conquer a major part of my nervousness.
what i thought the answer could be:
1)Maybe we are not praying the right way.Because i think praying the right way reflects our attitude towards our own life. So if im unsure about the results while praying to the gohonzon then the gohonzon is unsure about what i want and that delays the process?
"The power of the gohonzon is beyond the comprehension of our minds.That is why we call it mystic.Our challenge is to think of results AS the gohonzon.which has no limits.With this kind of faith you can tap the infinite power of joy, gratitude and victory"
2)Faith and conviction
"The result is the reflection of your faith in gohonzon.Wjatever you are asking from the gohonzon will be TRUE for you.Are you thiking faliure or Victory? are you asking gohonzon how to solve your problems or are you pouring your hearts desires infrontof the gohonzon with unlimited trust?"
3) Protection
somethings better in store for us
4)Human revolution
If my prayers were answered overnight. i think i would grow lazy and begin totake evrything for granted.All good things are worth the wait arnt they? Through the struggle that we put through we are bound to develop as an indivisual.
the fact is our prayers arent stagnant.we are silently evolving and reflecting towards and inconspicous benefit that could take us a while to identify.
what i thought the answer could be:
1)Maybe we are not praying the right way.Because i think praying the right way reflects our attitude towards our own life. So if im unsure about the results while praying to the gohonzon then the gohonzon is unsure about what i want and that delays the process?
"The power of the gohonzon is beyond the comprehension of our minds.That is why we call it mystic.Our challenge is to think of results AS the gohonzon.which has no limits.With this kind of faith you can tap the infinite power of joy, gratitude and victory"
2)Faith and conviction
"The result is the reflection of your faith in gohonzon.Wjatever you are asking from the gohonzon will be TRUE for you.Are you thiking faliure or Victory? are you asking gohonzon how to solve your problems or are you pouring your hearts desires infrontof the gohonzon with unlimited trust?"
3) Protection
somethings better in store for us
4)Human revolution
If my prayers were answered overnight. i think i would grow lazy and begin totake evrything for granted.All good things are worth the wait arnt they? Through the struggle that we put through we are bound to develop as an indivisual.
the fact is our prayers arent stagnant.we are silently evolving and reflecting towards and inconspicous benefit that could take us a while to identify.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Questions persevere...
So it is agreed upon quite well that I'm highly doubtful about my existence as much as of any other...There is this constant question lingering about the whole "purpose of existence". What is the point of living? Is it as meaningless to live like a jellyfish or just as quite meaningful? How are we any different from any other form of existence? or How are we similar?..from what i see..we are all creations (of some seemingly accepted flawed phenomena)meant to grow and flounder through the nitty gritties of life till death takes over.We are as simple as sheep in a herd whose sole purpose is to live to graze and to give away wool once in a while upon some furtive wish.But what is the entire purpose? is there a purpose at all or are we expected to flounder through life, Life after life? and the biggest one of all...is someone actually out there expecting? But I cant quite digest the fact that humans should have a meaningless or purposeless stay on earth. After all, we are humans..the earth evolved just for us..we are supposed to take over the world with our wit and sh*t someday..
We are born with a purpose? or are we supposed to figure that out as we grow up (unlike seen in ants)? can there at all be a definitive purpose? Or can there be many? Why does an existence become futile if we spend it lurking around willow trees and dreaming about rainbow gatherings? Why must we spend a lifetime trying to earn so much and be "settled in life" so that we can enjoy (lurk around willow trees..?) later?
In the discussions on youth part I, Dr. Daisaku Ikeda says "Even if you chase after good schools and good jobs, there is no guarantee that you'll be happy if you get them. if ones sole reason for living is to have an easy existence, then there's not necessarily any need for one to make arduous efforts to get into a good school or good company.
The purpose of study is not to be accepted into a prestigious university.It is to cultivate your mind and your heart so that you can become awell rounded indivisual and leave some proof of your exsistence in this world.
Fullfill the mission thta is yours and yours alone. and do your best to help those who are suffering"
That said and done. What i understand from that are these:
a) our purpose of existence lies somewhere in evolving as a person and helping others.
b)purpose ful life=achieving great things which could be something as simple winning over basic negative flaws in self.Day to day accomplishments...
c)No definitive purpose in life...is it all about a) and b) then wilting away finally?
well this is where i stand in life now..outrageously clueless and it seems that i need to know where to go inorder to strive towards it..Oh! c'mon people give me the routes on a platter would ya?!
I give myself ONE WEEK in order to reach somewhere ..anywhere away from here. So things that i will work on for a week:
1) pick a random task (architecture) and slog my arse off..i may not see any use or purpose in doing so but i will methodically do so.. meanwhile i will chant in order to realise tht one MOTIVE in life that wil characterise my future.
2)I know i love singing more than i like dreaming about willow trees so thts somewhere where i should start should'nt i?
Task: Find music teacher and support it with one hour daimoku evryday
In a week then~
We are born with a purpose? or are we supposed to figure that out as we grow up (unlike seen in ants)? can there at all be a definitive purpose? Or can there be many? Why does an existence become futile if we spend it lurking around willow trees and dreaming about rainbow gatherings? Why must we spend a lifetime trying to earn so much and be "settled in life" so that we can enjoy (lurk around willow trees..?) later?
In the discussions on youth part I, Dr. Daisaku Ikeda says "Even if you chase after good schools and good jobs, there is no guarantee that you'll be happy if you get them. if ones sole reason for living is to have an easy existence, then there's not necessarily any need for one to make arduous efforts to get into a good school or good company.
The purpose of study is not to be accepted into a prestigious university.It is to cultivate your mind and your heart so that you can become awell rounded indivisual and leave some proof of your exsistence in this world.
Fullfill the mission thta is yours and yours alone. and do your best to help those who are suffering"
That said and done. What i understand from that are these:
a) our purpose of existence lies somewhere in evolving as a person and helping others.
b)purpose ful life=achieving great things which could be something as simple winning over basic negative flaws in self.Day to day accomplishments...
c)No definitive purpose in life...is it all about a) and b) then wilting away finally?
well this is where i stand in life now..outrageously clueless and it seems that i need to know where to go inorder to strive towards it..Oh! c'mon people give me the routes on a platter would ya?!
I give myself ONE WEEK in order to reach somewhere ..anywhere away from here. So things that i will work on for a week:
1) pick a random task (architecture) and slog my arse off..i may not see any use or purpose in doing so but i will methodically do so.. meanwhile i will chant in order to realise tht one MOTIVE in life that wil characterise my future.
2)I know i love singing more than i like dreaming about willow trees so thts somewhere where i should start should'nt i?
Task: Find music teacher and support it with one hour daimoku evryday
In a week then~
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